Popular banker and novelty human being Howard Brown, most famous for his work with Halifax Bank’s ‘Who Gives You Extra?’ campaign, was found dead in the bank’s Mayfair branch last night. Brown was discovered in what one officer described as a “bloody mess”, hanging from a biro on a chain. The officer went on to confirm that “no one could hear his death throes behind the sound-proof glass of the cashiers’ desk.”
The night before his apparent suicide, he had been seen outside a Soho Club, screaming “I’ll give you extra, but it’s £15 more if you want a blowjob”, and some reports suggest sightings of a lonely man wildly thrashing his genitalia against the window of the bank’s Tottenham Court Road branch declaring “Look what I’m paying in!”
Halifax said they had no choice but to fire Brown after it became clear that his constant jauntiness clashed with the general mood of the nation in the current economic climate. Said one spokesman: “He refused our idea for an alternative advert, in which he would be seen weeping naked in a dark corner to the tune of Celine Dion’s My Heart Will Go On”.