The Cheese Grater is a rubbish magazine staffed by bell-ends, so it was only right and proper that student ‘journalists’ from across the country gathered at an illustrious awards ceremony to celebrate this fact. For one night, and one night only, gone was the usual Koko dress code of skinny jeans and ill fitting Topshop dresses; those career hungry young hacks stepped out in style. Subtitled ‘The Guardian Student Media Awards 2007,’ the ceremony was attended by a number of luminaries including Guardian editor Isabella Rusbridger and inexperienced comedian Hardeep Singh Kohli.
Boozed up and lairy
In a badly disguised attempt to be fair, the organisers of the event ran through the motions with a number of additional categories such as ‘Student Sports Writer of The Year’ (awarded to specially recruited actors). These also allowed The Cheese Grater delegation more time to get pissed and lairy before their inevitable humiliation. Their attempts at irony (booing the announcement of their own nomination) fell on deaf ears.
Dying on your arse
As the night disintegrated around them, the dance floor was filled with a mixture of the pissed and successful, and the merely pissed. Nothing else was left to be done except to swap anecdotes with Hardeep [Who? – Ed.], rinse the free bar and stumble on into the unforgiving London night.