HAVING A GOOD TIME at university could ruin the career prospects of students, a new NUS report has revealed. By partaking in and enjoying extra curricular activities, many students risk deterring potential employers.
Grimace
The NUS report suggests that most employers recognise clubs and societies are a serious and unenjoyable business but a part of student life vital for the creation of a really first-rate CV. Unfortunately, students are actually having ‘fun’ while playing for the university rugby team or writing for the student newspaper, and indeed, many claim to rife is the problem that the NUS has concluded that “...in interviews, extracurricular activities should be discussed with the strained grimace of an unpleasant job well done.”
Facial Tic
Terrence Weinstein from Deloitte says, “When I ask a candidate why they joined the Kendo Society, they shouldn’t admit they quite liked the idea of hitting people really hard with sticks. Instead they should spew something attractively glib like sano mens in sano corpus and leave it at that. Even worse are these bleeding heart types who have volunteered to teach blind children Advanced Sanskrit, or conserve a rare medical afflicabout it. Employers are nervous about giving jobs to people who volunteer because they actually care; in the business world a social conscience is regarded as a sort of embarrassing disability, somewhere between a facial tic and incontinence.”
Bullets
When asked how extracurricular activities should be presented on an ideal CV, Weinstein replied “Bullet points are very promotion-friendly and having alliterative society names shows that some thought has gone into the presentation. It’s best to be as brief as possible, or you might betray a trace of personality. We’re not interested in you as real people, after all.”