FOLLOWING THE decision in late July to deploy troops into the Darfur region of Sudan, the United Nations is facing a tremendous backlash from self righteous university students around the UK.
“What the hell do they think they’re doing?” says Anne Fricker, a second-year UCL student. “How am I supposed to protest and shout “Save Darfur!” if the UN is already working at it? And what about my ‘Stop Genocide in Sudan’ shirt? Last year, by wearing this shirt two, maybe three times a week, I was single-handedly saving the lives of seventeen Darfur infants every month! Now, it’s just ugly and obnoxious.”
Some students face even more pressing problems, such as King’s College third-year Michael Yarsky; “How will I get laid now? I had it SO easy the past few years. I would see this hot little indie ‘Human Rights’ Self righteous students protest number and all I had to do was mention the poor people of Darfur and, before you knew it, I was sending a one-man peacekeeping operation into her pants! Thanks for ruining my social life UN!”
However, a minority exists within the “holier-thanthou” student community that is thrilled with the UN’s decision. “I knew I invested in a drawer full of these for a reason” mutters Oxford second-year Roby Chatterji, as he pulls out an ‘End UN Aggression in Darfur’ shirt. “They all laughed at me last year, but now who already has a room booked for a “Get Out of Darfur” sit-in next month?”