Police lead war on crime

AFTER initiatives against drug dealers, yobs and motorists edging over the speed limit, the new Commissionr of the Metropolitan Police, Sir Ian Blair, has announced an audacious plan to cut crime. In response to increasing pub- lic criticism from Londoners, Blair de- clared that “the time for timid meas- ures is over. From now on, criminals out there must realise that we’re going to do our job. Maybe not that well, but we will do it nonetheless”. The new plans have been welcomed by the Home Secretary, Charles Clarke, who feels that every day we are all commit- ting crimes that degrade our quality of life. In a speech to the House of Com- mons, Clarke commented: “I welcome the new initiative of the Met to aim to cut crime just before an election. For eight years we have dithered about pun- ishment, released prisoners early and focused on superficial initiatives. From now on I intend to overhaul the crimi- nal justice system and take away more peoples’ rights until I am satisfied the new initiative has succeeded in making attention grabbing headlines”. In re- sponse to a question asking exactly what the new initiative to cut crime was, Mr Clarke responded, “That’s just it. We intend to cut crime”. No further com- ment has been made, as it appears that Mr Clarke is under house arrest for being a danger to national security.