Following a week-long campaign based on a moustache and a red nose, the organisers of ‘Cash for the Tache’ have expressed their amazement at the gullibility of UCL students. “I can’t believe it,” exclaimed Richard Bridger, organiser of the event. “They’re so stu- pid. All we had to do was get a few buckets, put some posters up and claim that we’re going to shave some guy’s moustache and the money started flood- ing in. Who is this Provost, anyway? All I can say is I know my career path’.
As the realisation of their error dawned, students’ self-congratulation and moral fulfilment at raising over £1500 turned to despair. UCL Union responded by debating a motion to pro- pose a motion to establish a new com- mittee, the Donations Abuse Commit- tee, to be aided by a ‘Committee against Fraudulent Depillatory Campaigns’. Administrators and lecturers are also fuming, with the Provost said to be dev- astated at losing his lifelong partner. Placing it on Jeremy Bentham’s face in the South Cloisters does not help, what with it being right outside the Provost’s office.
At the time of going to press, The Cheese Grater had learned that those running the collections had taken their valuables and gone to Heathrow. Word has it that they haven’t totally disregard- ed the efforts of donors, however. “They said they were going to choose where to go based on all the different foreign coins they received”, a source close to the fundraisers said. A worldwide tour awaits, with the next stop Guyana.