BRITISH UNIVERSITIES must look to the fundraising efforts of the homeless and drug-addled, UCL’s provost warned this week.
As UCL launches its “Advanc- ing London’s University Global Cash Grab” campaign, Professor Malcolm Grant, provost and president of UCL, spoke of the seemingly British attitude towards begging on the street: “We need, in the university sector, to ac- tively develop a culture of begging for funds.” “Naturally, we will start by begging off alumni,” Grant enthused, “particularly the rich ones like Ricky Gervais and that bloke from Coldplay (Mr Grant was evidently unable at the time to lay his hands on an issue, any issue, of Pi - Ed.). They ought to be able to spare a few grand. Then, once we’ve pissed them off, we will start on friends, family and colleagues. But I don’t see why we have to stop there. When we have made everyone ashamed to even know us — I’ve al- ready done this with my mother-in- law — we will accost members of the public until they give us a few pence just to make us go away. Grant ex- plained his philanthropic underlying motives: “Just look at the United States. Harvard have got tons of mon- ey, but I’m stuck over here. For Christ’s sake.” The provost then set off towards Euston Station, wander- ing up to random members of the public saying, “Hello, I’m sorry to bother you, I’m not begging, I just need a couple of pounds for the Tube…”