Well, well, well. If you lactose guzzlers thought that you were free from the wrath of Shepard Pye, you thought wrong.
Pie Media is back, and stronger than ever, unlike the stinking Cheese Grater. You wokies think you’re better now that you’re under new management, but you’ll never reach the heights of Pie.
The sissy liberals over at the coagulated dairy fan club tried their very best to sabotage us. They thought they could defeat us by making our website expire (which was totally their doing and not ours), but our superiority remains clear.
You pesky nerds have been posting and writing throughout the summer. I mean, how bored can you be? Bothering us with things like current affairs.
The real, serious journalists are back in town, writing once every few months about what the people truly care about.
The future looks bright for Pie Media. We have already had some amazing pitches for our next issue, including concise and relevant journalism such as ‘What impact will Labubus have on Trump’s legacy?’
The Union was so enthused about our future that they decided to give us direct help. What’s a better vote of confidence than that from the SU establishment?
You sycophantic loony lefties will never be more iconic than us and our 80-year history. Don’t even bother.
G.K.
This article appeared in CG93
