It’s time to wrap up another year of student journalism brilliance for some, and of public humiliation for others.
A little birdie told Pie that a group of cheesy graters travelled down to Exeter in March for the national Student Publication Association awards. Not only did they make a drunken mess, but they also left empty-handed. Imagine being snubbed on all 10 awards you were shortlisted for, defeated by Pie’s singular nomination. If that’s not punishment for hubris, I don’t know what is.
Your election special issue (CG 90), once again printed in the Main Library and manually stapled together by your pitiful team of overworked writers, was a second-rate preamble to our groundbreaking series of video interviews with candidates, posted on YouTube just hours before voting closed. Our questions were so incisive that we decided there was no need for follow-ups on the rubbish some candidates were spouting. Long live democracy!
Likewise, our monthly news programme, The Slice, was so good we had to stop after the second episode in November. We were worried that fame would prevent our journalists from walking freely around campus.
As a matter of fact, Pie’s year has been so fantastic that our beloved Students’ Union UCL have indicated they would like to get more involved in helping us get organised next year. This probably means we’ll be swimming in money, which we’ll use to print even more issues to be left to collect dust in the media office.
A Union source said the rescue plan for Pie will be comparable to the EU bailout of Greece during the Eurozone crisis. Now, I’m not quite sure what that means, since unlike you sad, sad Graters, we’re not all phoney history students, but I sure do love souvlakis and tzatsiki so that sounds amazing to me.
Detractors have been spreading rumours that UCL’s oldest and mightiest newspaper risked disaffiliation after no one wanted to be treasurer. Detractors might have been right for once. But don’t you worry, it’s all sorted now. Surely you didn’t think we’d let you roam free and misinform the UCL populace with your propaganda pamphlets!
Ironically, the best thing you did this year was giving us the Bon Voyage idea (Shepard Pye, CG 89). Not only did we “bite back”, but we ate you lot alive. Waiter, I’ll have some more of that rubbery and tasteless British cheese, please.
A.B.
This article appeared in CG92
