Soc Bitch: Issue 87, Summer 2024

The Bitch-er Takes It All!

My darling gossip gobblers, did you miss me? I suppose you haven’t seen me in print since my victory over the terrible Tories. They certainly won the most controversial moment of the year with their pathetic ‘port and policy’ debate topics! I do so hate repeating myself so I’ll push those not in the loop towards The Cheese Grater Instagram.

The collaboration between the UCL and King’s Tories in the January scandal certainly gave us a new reason to hate the Strand Polytechnic but another reason to hate them came about during Varsity this year. According to the Murdoch-owned miscreants (The Tab), during the American football match a Kings player called a UCL player a racial slur. Matters were made worse when the Kings team refused to remove the slur hurler from the field forcing UCL to abandon the game. Unquestionably awful sportsmanship on display! 

Bad sportsmanship and nationalism seemed to be a common theme in the Sabbs elections this year. Absent Aria was suspended from campaigning for part of vote week due to “insufficient translations” being provided for her posters. Her phrase used on WeChat “Chinese vote Chinese” also ruffled feathers, but seemingly worked as she was unfortunately re-elected only to stand down a few weeks later. Oh Aria, you will not be missed. New SU president Goksu also hopped on the nationalism bandwagon by mobilising the Turkish Society in her campaign. In fact her announcement as president was quite difficult to see in the video as the shot was obscured by a fuck off Turkish flag. Questions I think must be asked; if a home student campaigned using the fact that they were British to get people to vote for them, would that be acceptable? Would the St George’s cross have been as welcomed as the Turkish flag seemingly was? Being proud of your nationality is one thing but campaigning for a paid position based on it is never a particularly good look.

Things in the Music Society elections this year were also far from harmonious! Despite pre-election candidate selections having taken place the week before nominations opened, rumours began circling of a non-sanctioned candidate. Rumours which were kept from the sanctioned candidate by other members of the society. The non-sanctioned candidate tried to keep his running as quiet for as long as possible supposedly in order to catch her off guard at the planned hustings event; the sanctioned candidate’s unawareness of this situation was clear for all to see in her jokey manifesto. Thankfully the music society can recognise when someone is striking a discordant note with the rest of the orchestra and voted in the initial maestro! 

Finally, new kids in the column, the Filipino Society. Rumours from Bitchy sources have reached me that this soc is in the financial trenches. 3 grand in debt and no way out in sight as members are reportedly attending events without buying tickets for them. Apparently, things are getting so bad they are extending invitations to Filipino societies as far away as Liverpool to try and get more ticket sales. Here’s hoping they can find the cash, or at least convince their members to part with it!

This article appeared in CG 87.