5 Study Spaces UCL don’t want YOU to know about

Have you ever reached the Student Centre at the crack of dawn only to be met with the grim realisation that those damned post-grad all-nighter workaholics have taken all the spaces? Getting a place in the library is easy as long as you bring a bottle to piss in while you wait, and camp on the floor until some unwitting first year leaves their seat so you can throw their belongings off the desk and pretend that you found it there. Cheese Grater Magazine is here to help and provide you with some new, hip study spaces that have been hiding in plain sight. Remember, you heard it here first folks!

A lecture hall or seminar room: While you might look a little odd sitting in one of those auditoriums all by your lonesome, and some other unimportant class might be coming to disturb you, STUDY comes first at UCL, and finding a decent place to sit is a luxury. 

Student Centre toilets: Ever wondered why the queues for these toilets snake down the staircase? It’s because every 3rd year knows something you don’t. Look past the symphony of flushing around you and the odd mix of detergent, human faeces, and watermelon vapour –  it’s perfect. Don’t forget to let out the occasional groan to make it clear you’re not leaving anytime soon! 

Behind the Print Room Café counter: I’ll set the scene. You go into the Cafe, your eyes dart across from chair to chair…but even the sofa is taken! Yet Cheesegrater has noticed something you haven’t – an empty space behind the counter where the baristas are hard at work. All the scurrying, the manager shouting “get out!”, and the resident DJ’s favourite tunes (“Animals” by Maroon 5 on repeat) create the ideal high-stress environment. Haven’t you heard, diamonds form under pressure!

to let out the occasional groan to make it clear you’re not leaving anytime soon! 

Atop your professor’s car: While arriving at noon leaves you wanting for study spaces,  if you bundle up, you’ll find no shortage of makeshift desks waiting for you on Gordon Street. You need only the courage to mount a car and if you’re lucky, you’ll find your department head’s nice Mercedes. This works particularly well if you enjoy the company of pigeons and are free-spirited enough to get soaked in the rain. The added, unsaid benefit of course, is that when your professor comes out to drive home, they’ll see you working diligently, impressed by your commitment and no doubt be proud to call you their student. 

BT Tower: Spiderman’s got nothing on you if you can make it to this pinnacle of study space perfection. If natural lighting and morning work aren’t your thing, then you’ll find nothing more comfortable than the artificial purple glow emanating from the tapestry that is the BT logo. We promise, you’ll be undisturbed. But it’s also a great place for people watching should you begin to feel lonely! And if you stay long enough, you can watch the sun come up before you climb back down to Ramsay Hall. Lights will guide you home.

This article appeared in CG Issue 83.