Students’ Union UCL has come under fire this week after reports of mistreatment from one of its recent guests.

Gruffles, an emotional support Shih Tzu, visited the university campus as part of the annual mental health awareness week. He was shocked by his reception.

‘I was looking for somewhere to put my things and rehearse my speech on the importance of being open about mental health,’ said Gruffles to The Cheese Grater.

‘I have a history with tricky mental health, and it’s a cause very close to my heart.

‘However, before I could so much as find a spot to do some vocal exercises, some pushy female dog with a short fringe and fashion spectacles that took up her entire face grabbed me and started forcibly rubbing my back.

‘I had no opportunity to give verbal consent, and sooner or later I was being passed around her trendy, posh friends all of whom were cooing about anxiety while taking photos with their smartphones. It was hell.’

We can now confirm that by ‘female dog’ Gruffles meant b***h. The Union has declined to comment.

P. Upparazi.


This article appeared in CG 65