Union Duels With Fencers

Readers Rejoice! Soc Bitch has news for the masses- The long unjust reign of Fencing Club is no more!

The brave men and women in the Union and “Clubs & Societies” have at last stood up against the tyrants at Fencing and divied up Fencing’s prime-time Wednesday afternoon, four hour spot in Bloomsbury Fitness, between some of the more disadvantaged societies in the Union, such as Boat Club and Water Polo.

To ensure Fencing knew how little they were respected, Katie Sykes, Activities and Skills Manager, only informed the society of the loss of their training session ten days before Freshers’ Fair.  The Union even got Fencing to bear the indignity of having to cut the hours of their hired coach only a few days before training begins, which is just so wonderfully cruel!

But it doesn’t end there! To further rub salt into wounds, as a consolation Fencing have been given a mammoth five hour training session on Saturday morning in Bloomsbury Fitness. As what every casual fresher fencer (of which there were a 100 or so last year) wants to do is fence for five hours after a messy night out at ULU.

Ultimately, Fencing one of the cheapest sports in the university will have its membership decimated. No more will we have to live in fear of being accosted by an épée outside of Phineas.

The plan is so diabolical and clever, we can’t believe the Union came up with it. Though Ilyas Morrison, the Activities and Events Officer continues to play the naif, saying he did not “want to take space from anyone”.

Morrison is one to watch- For it seems that he really is a Puss in Boots.

Soc Bitch’s column on all Union-related-shenanigans appears in every issue of The Cheese Grater. If you have a tip off – please send it her way