You’d think that categorising students by their subject would be an obvious attempt to rely on tired old tropes in a desperate plea to get people to click on this article. You’d be wrong. It’s actually as easy to categorise students by their subjects as it is to determine their sexuality from their hair colour.
Think we’re lying? Take a look below to see which box we’ve forced you inside.
“Never seen a language student. Nope. Never.” – Dylan, UAL
“They just look mysterious” – Adrianna, Birmingham
If you’re a linguist take a long hard look at yourself. Can’t see anything? Definitely a linguist. We don’t know why, but they’re all invisible. It’s just a language thing.
“I’m actually a biologist and we’ve all got skin. There was this diagram of someone without skin in first year and I thought that maybe some of us didn’t have skin. Since then I’ve never seen a biologist without skin though” – Anna, Imperial
Yep, biologists = skin.
“Human, English students are humans. I’ve never seen anyone studying English who wasn’t human” – Jack, Coventry
“I once thought I saw an English student who wasn’t human. Was just a cat on campus.” – Lucy, Nottingham
Want a foolproof way of spotting an English student? They’re going to be swanning around campus being human. Turns out animals can’t read. English students are always 100% of the time human.
“I’ve literally only ever seen drama students dressed up as Patrick Stewart from his 2008 performance of MacBeth at the Lyceum Theatre in London” – Barbara, Aberystwyth
“It’s unnerving” – Paddy, UCL
We all know that Drama students can’t get enough of Patrick Stewart and they all want to be him, want to be him, or know someone who wants to want to know how to be him. The only way to do this? Become him.
“They have hair, sometimes its short but sometimes its long, but yeah, they definitely all have either some or no hair” – Pricilla, UCL
“Follicles, that’s something I’d say history students normally have. You know, like, hey, it’s David, he does history, look at his follicles. Classic” – Darren, Leeds
Speaks for itself really, history students are all cracking out hair is some way or another. You might ask, what about historians with alopecia? But have you ever seen one? Didn’t think so.
Can’t see your subject on this list? That’s because you have absolutely no defining characteristics. Yep, you’re bland and boring, just like our articles. “Hang on” you’re thinking, is this a self aware comment to keep up our appearance of self parody to not so subtly disguise a complete lack of anything resembling semi-decent content? Well, take this quiz to find out. Or, you know. go outside into the warm summer air and forget The Tab ever existed.