This year’s Valentine’s Day coincides with Reading Week — so if you are gearing up to break up with your partner, you should probably do it before the 14th. You wouldn’t want to find yourself involved in any unwanted romantic getaways during some much-needed time away from academia.
So here are The Cheese Grater’s official top five campus locations to end things with your significant other.
1 – Outside the Portico
Unlike the University gearing up for its 200-year anniversary, you don’t want your relationship to stand the test of time. Though work to improve the University is going on, you’re done trying to work things out with your other half.
The surround sound of the building works is ideal for a break up, as it should hopefully drown out your ex’s wails of sorrow.
2 – Phineas on a Wednesday Night
Sticky floors and inebriated student athletes in fancy dress: Phineas is where the Wednesday crowd pre before the real fun starts (and stops) in Scala. No one really stays at Phineas for that long, and you no longer want to stay with your significant other.
Fortunately for your ex, the £3 drinks will hopefully be able to remedy the heartbreak.
3 – Gordon Square
There isn’t much green space around campus, so why not also make this breakup an opportunity to touch some grass? You want emotional growth, like the trees that surround you… unfortunately that growth comes at the expense of your partner being expelled from your life akin to how oxygen is expelled from a leaf during photosynthesis.
The newly broken-hearted can sit on a bench to process their emotions and do their best Forrest Gump impersonation — though “life is like a box of chocolates”, they no longer need to buy you some crappy treats for the holiday.
4 – The Main Library
The sense of academia that the Main Library exudes compels people to converse in hushed tones. Thus making it the perfect place to drop the bombshell that you want to break up with your partner. Silence is expected in the library, so all you need to say is “we’re done” and walk away before you get shushed by a student attempting to “lock in”.
Also, if your ex does make a scene in one of the most academic buildings of the University, they’ll look like a buffoon, thus making it even easier to leave them.
5 – Next to Jeremy Bentham’s Body
Arguably, it was his “disruptive” thinking that brought you two together. Then, why not break up outside our glorious founder’s body? It would be somewhat poetic that the man who created the university where your love blossomed will also witness the downfall of your union.
And like his corpse… your relationship is now dead.