WE ALL KNOW Bangladesh. Poor, overpopulated Bangladesh. Floods, disease, poverty, corruption, and what’s more rising sea levels caused by global warming, caused by me and you, are putting Bangladesh at ever greater risk of being slowly eaten away.
WELL I SAY THAT’S IF IT EVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE!
I have suspected the nonexistence of Bangladesh for some time. Ever since I noticed the suspicious focus on the ‘country’ by geography teachers at school. It almost seemed too perfect. Mass poverty, disease, and every environmental disaster you can list on an A4 photocopied casestudy sheet, all in one country?
The further I looked into the subject, the more quizzical I became, eventually I just couldn’t hide from the terrible truth I was uncovering, Bangladesh just seems not to exist! Historically, geographically, demographically, nothing made sense. Every time I tried to establish something about the place, I was hit with a wall of excuses and lies. Oh, Bangladesh, well, that used to be part of Pakistan, oh, Pakistan used to be part of India, oh, but that used to be part of Britain. Britain?! Give me a break. Would it have been possible to come up with a more ridiculous story?
You see, the truth is far more shocking than I could ever have imagined. You know Burma, that similarly suspicious country that is supposed to border Bangladesh? The one with ‘information blackout’, ‘absolute government control’, ‘repression of free speech’, the one where no one ever goes on holiday? You know why they have all these things?
BECAUSE THE COUNTRY’S PRETENDING TO BE BANG-LADESH!
The fiction of ‘Bangladesh’ is contained entirely within Burma’s borders - it’s a scam country, rolled out for aid workers, television crews and foreign leaders. Burma’s entire economy rests on aid payments to this fictional place, enabling the ruling junta to live in luxury while the rest of the population is forced into poverty. All that time spent pretending to be Bangladeshis means there’s no time to grow any food. Do you know why Aung San Suu Kyi has been under house arrest for 20 years? Well, in Burma, being the leader of the Anti-National Bangladeshi Dress-Up Service is the WORST form of treason.
My friends, it is a fiction, a lie, the biggest con trick ever played. Always ask yourself, have you really ever met anyone from Bangladesh?