Dear Sir/Madam,
I assume that the editorial team will join me in expressing disgust at the new single, “I kissed a bloke” by that perverted failed popstar Jon from S Club. My objections are multi-faceted and seeing as though your publication is nothing more than smug bourgeois bullshit I shall not hesitate to go into detail.
My first objection is the sheer distaste of the lyrics. Frankly, I would have liked to be spared such details as “he tasted like lager and chips”, and I couldn’t give a damn about his “experimental phase”. Let’s face it, we all go through one at some point, but I don’t expect to make a living from singing about my time in public school.
However, my most profound objection is the dehumanising aspect of the song. If I’m in and that blasted song comes on, I am instantly encircled by leering pervy girls expecting me to perform homo-erotic actions on my pals, and as a further insult, they demand that I “like it”.
The scene is quite absurd. First of all, society expects me to look as sexually appealing as possible in jeans and a shirt, and then I have to act as loose as possible. To add insult to injury, if I do pull, they label me hurtful terms such as “player” and “machine”. Next thing, I’ll be expected to dress up in a cap and shorts and then pretend to be a “naughty schoolboy”.
I wish girls would see me as a man and not just some sort of sex object. This just goes to show that feminism has gone too far, we should never have given them the vote!
Brian, 6 inches, Essex