91 years since the Russian Revolution, the infallible dogmas of yesterday still beat like a tribal drum in the asphalt jungle of the modern world, sounding the continuing death knell of the capitalist classes (Vol. III, Capital.) Nowhere do the primitive palpitations of Revolution resound so clearly as in that throbbing organ of radicalism, UCL. Your humble correspondent spoke with one of the guiding lights of the burgeoning underground movement.
Your Humble Correspondent: Comrade Doyle, you recently staged a dramatic sit-in on campus, the likes of which have not been seen since the sixties heyday of Billy ‘the Red’ Renton. Would you say you were protesting against the parasitic and reactionary character of the bureaucracy or the anarchy of the market? Or both?
Comrade Doyle: Er, is the class over? Did I fall asleep? Sports Night must have been messier than I thought.
YHC: So your vanguard attempt at radicalisation of student population was a reaction against the inhuman excesses inherent in capitalist society, including the use of illusional orgiastic carnivals such as this ‘Sports Night’, or the verbal gymnastics of the capitalist lackey politicians that distract the labouring classes from their daily enslavement to the dead labour of the machine? Or both?
CD: What?
YHC: Exactly. Together we must solve the riddle of the sphinx that guards the pyramids of bureaucracy and replace this acquisitive philosophy with global egalitarianisation in a socialist context!
CD: I’ve never been to Egypt! I’m not a socialist, what would that look like on my CV?
YHC: You’re right Comrade Doyle. We cannot run away from the answers. We cannot hide behind the bike shed from the questions. Only through organised Spontaneous Revolution can we stop sucking on the ice-cream we found in the back of the capitalist fridge freezer!
Let it be known that The Revolution is upon us and that the fig leaf of the bourgeois mentality shall be cast off, exposing its hairy knackers for all to see.