I’m Feeling Lucky
Dear Sir, I begin by praising the editorial bravery displayed in the recent addiction special in Pi Magazine. It has been a welcome catalyst to admitting my own problem; I simply cannot stop Googling my own name.
How would you feel if the fi rst and last thing on your mind was whether the search result total had increased when you type in your name in those oh-so-familiar inverted commas? Not to mention the effect this has had on my love life; my last relationship lasted a mere two days, at which point my connection was fi nally restored by my ISP. I’ve tried other search engines such as AskJeeves.com, or that new fangled MSN search, but nothing can compare to the sheer ecstasy I experience in that precious 0.08 seconds spent awaiting new and exciting hits.
I can’t eat, and I can’t sleep. Moreover, I am scared that my problem is becoming pandemic (14,140 people are suffering as of 7.04pm, 20/2/07). I hope that this fi rst precious step will help other sufferers on their journey to recovery. I kindly request that this letter shall not be published on your website as it will only serve to confuse my search results.
Florian O’Connor
Sole Searching
Dear Sir
Your recent addiction feature failed to address the most misunderstood of habits; shoe addiction. We footwear fanatics are mistakenly portrayed as the pathetic, mindless, lap-bitches of consumerist society; well I ask you; how often have you tried to shove a stiletto in your pulmonary? That’s assuming you managed to get it into the hypodermic in the fi rst place. Sometimes I’m so desperate for a hit I’ll just chew on an ankle strap or beat myself into oblivion with an Ugg boot. This addiction is one of the hardest to maintain; the hefty price tags on fi nely crafted Italian leather will often lead to the dangerous practise of shoe sharing; the undeniable cause of the rise in podiatrically transmitted diseases. I ask for recognition, not help. A seven-step programme only mocks my condition.
Anonymous
Sensationalism
Dear Sir, I am glad to see this disgusting journalism has been made public. With the continued efforts of Pi Squared, the entire of UCL will be made aware of the disgusting and depraved acts of so called student journalists.
Jason Barnyard