RICHARD WILSON, star of the popular gentle-humoured sitcom One Foot in the Grave, has been found living in a monkey enclosure in New York City’s Central Park Zoo. Wilson, whose Malvolian character Victor Meldrew spawned the catchphrase which defined a generation, was spotted by a fellow actor on holiday in the capital.
Nadia Sawalha, of East- Enders fame, spotted Wilson furiously checking a friend’s head for fleas in the Japanese macaque enclosure. Having met at a BAFTA party some years earlier, Sawalha recognised the star and began to mutter and point excitedly. Early reports suggest that Wilson became so distressed at this he began to, literally, throw shit.
Central Park Zoo was initially heavily criticised by the media for imprisoning Mr. Wilson in such a way. However, it soon emerged that the aged star had in fact requested that he remain in the enclosure at all times, that no one ‘from out there’ should be allowed to speak with him, and that any pleas for freedom be taken as momentary lapses into insanity.
Chuckles a fellow macaque and a close personal friend of Wilson said, “He’s not treated any differently to the rest of us; he gets a warm, dry bed, some dried nuts and fruit twice a day and an imitation snow landscape.” Chuckles claimed that Wilson moved into the enclosure in March 2004 and quickly ingratiated himself with the rest of the macaque group. “He simply wants a peaceful retirement away from the taunts of children and adults hanging around supermarkets” Chuckles told The Cheese Grater.
Questions still remain as to the cause of Wilson’s monkeylike appearance. Medical records suggest that Wilson suffered from premature ageing and was in fact only 26 years of age when he began filming One Foot in the Grave, leading many scientists to speculate he was also experiencing some form of evolutionary regression.
Wilson is rumoured to now be in talks with PETA and several other animal rights groups in order to launch an attempt to leave Central Park Zoo in order to escape the media frenzy.