We at Shitigroup want to invest in your future. We want graduates who would happily stab their nan if it returned a profit; we want that go get ‘em attitude that will bring our unique brand and counter-culture vibe to the international money markets. If you don’t care if your kids recognise you when you come home in the evenings, then you’ll fit right in at Shitigroup. We are looking for:
Creative Accountant
As one of our specialists in tax evasion, you will be part of a dynamic team of beancounters, beanhiders and beanexxagerators. Good communication skills essential, numeracy an advantage. Salary: £200,000 p.a. plus graft opportunities.
Insider Dealing Consultant
Networking is essential in this role. You will be required to clandestinely communicate with old school chums working for other big companies involved in large takeovers. Salary: Generous, plus potential for bonuses in conspicuous brown envelopes.
Director of Office Aesthetics
This essential role encompasses a wide range of duties including emptying bins, wiping down computer monitors and the logo outside the offices. Ideally you will be female, attractive and willing to have sex on the Chairman’s desk. English not essential. Salary: £4.50 per hour on production of a work visa (£2.50 if not)