DAY 44 of I’m An MP, Get Me Into Power! and the atmosphere in Parliament House is strained. Hosts Michael Portillo and Diane Abbott entered the House to break the news that all parties have been set a quiz to see who knows the most the about the electorate. Test subjects include chav culture, celebrity gossip and favourite baby names. The party with the fewest correct answers will have to face another dreaded ‘Parliamentary Act of Terror’. This week, the challenge will see the leader of the losing party in the line of fire: literally. He must run the entire perimeter of Westminster, followed closely by a pack of hounds led by an angry Otis Ferry on horseback. Should he stumble, he will be savaged and a member of his cabinet will automatically face the public vote this Friday. Tense stuff.
110 per cent
The impending threat means worrying times for the Conservatives, who only have their leader David Cameron, the MP for Forest of Dean Mark Harper, his wife Margaret and their Labradors Cara and Darci remaining. However, their mentor and Deputy Chairman, Lord Ashcroft says he knows that the team will give “110 per cent.”
Bookies favourites Labour are also under pressure as the last month has seen Gordon Brown repeatedly nominate his own party leader to face elimination. If the rumours are true, things are about to get a whole lot worse for Tony, with next week hailing the arrival of TV star and occasional MP George Galloway.
Worringly, psychologist Raj Persaud says that Education Secretary Ruth Kelly is displaying classic signs of anxiety over her position in the Labour family. According to Raj, the Madonna/ whore relationship that she is consciously developing with Jack Straw, coupled with her creative efforts in the House kitchen show her “two-pronged attempt to make herself number one Blair Babe, establishing her role as mother and seductress.”
Host Diane Abbott has expressed her sympathy for Ruth, recalling her own difficult times on Politician Wife Swap with BNP leader Nick Griffin. Diane recalls: “Whenever Nick’s spiteful jibes became too much I thought fondly of sister suffragette Emily Davison, who died at the 1913 Epsom Derby fighting for the future of her sex (she stepped out in front of the King’s horse, silly girl). Emily gave her life so that I, Ruth and countless other women could have the courage and the right to face the real-life challenges of reality television.”
Day 45, and after the drama of yesterday’s challenge, the nominations for this week’s vote are in. Three nervy MPs now need your votes if they are to stay this Friday.
Who runs the country? You decide.