THERE IS NOW no need to leave your rooms for an active social life. As university virgins it is time you were told going out and talking to people is considered downright antisocial. Welcome to Facebook where “to friend” is a verb, where the act of “poking” has allowed humanity to reach new levels of pointlessness and where you can find out people’s interests without having to talk to them. So take your new UCL email and sign up to a never ending online addiction to checking your “wall” for new posts.
You will need a profile; litter it with ‘LOLs’, several ‘ ;- )’ and plenty of ‘errrms’ to let others know you’re a chilled kinda dude. Make sure you put up a photo of yourself throwing up with a beer in hand (it shows how, like, hardcore and up for a laugh you are) and don’t forget a few illuminating quotations like “Feel and be felt, see and be seen, love and be loved, hear and be heard… remember we are all equals”
The top five
To achieve true cool status however, you need to join at least 92.5 groups. This is a selection of the best...
The Hottest and Sexiest Girls and Guys from UCL.
“Don’t bother requesting unless you’re shit hot”
President Susi Wiseberg, the cleavage with a blonde attached, helps you on your way to Body Dismorphic Disorder.
Your Mum
“Your mum’s so fat because every time we have sex, I give her a cookie”
For those of you who miss primary school.
Deep Thought Quotations
“A place to get out some quotes while in deep though (sic)”
So far the only quotation here is from Lord of the Rings.
UCLs 20 Hottest Women
“...let’s not forget that as much as girls hate chauvinism, they also, without fail, love a good compliment!”
It’s ok, really, it’s like post-postfeminism, yeah?
Name - There’S (sic) No Nicer Place To Live Than Surrey
“For those priveleged (sic) individuals fortunate enough to live in England’s most pleasant county.”
Not ‘priveleged’ (sic) enough for correct spelling and grammar