Personals

RUSTY HAS WOOD FOR YOU!

21, well built, enjoys smoke and more importantly mirrors, seeks busty young girl with long hair for NSA reflective fun, dissecting the tightly interwoven social, cultural and political themes of The Economist and generally being part of my harem. I’m a gingerbread man with a full size candy stick! I’ll be your lunchtime treat!

Harringay

Box No 1523566933

ERM...OH OK NOW!

Confused 22 year old, thin, awkwardly well spoken, seeks boy/girl/animal/deity for long walks, conversations on the Ancient Greek concept of Eros, Latin dictionaries and general esoteric fun. Will your tight trousers complement my velvet blazer?

Fitzrovia

Box No 1459945695

ART STUDENT SEEKS OTHER FOR ACTIVE LIFE DRAWING

Far too fucking old for you, attractive, extensive knowledge of artistic stuff you’ve never heard of, hopes to find boy. Of any description. Editors and models especially. I’ll bake your kuchen. Schnell!

Shoreditch

Box No 2434994945

FAT BASTARD WANTS FOOD

20, weight undisclosed, enjoys social gaffes, hating the underdog, having 6 years media experience at renowned publications like Q and NME seeks girl willing to fan, adore, worship and feed me. Must be able to cook, or failing that to carry as many Pound Saver menu options as possible. I love me and not you, I want me to succeed!

The Refectory

Box No 1393459693

SOCIAL HERMIT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE

20, cynical and bitter, doesn’t like humans, Tories or in fact much at all, seeks a nonentity who won’t speak, hold political views or touch me, for long walks on my own, radio shows and the odd gig. Conjugate my verbs!

Kings Cross

Box No 1394350603

I LOVE BUTTERFLIES, AREN’T THEY EVER SO PRETTY?

Optimistic, irritating and mediocre gal, that’s me you see, seeks, well, somebody or something. Must be willing to be cropped from all photos together. Intelligent, articulate people with red pirate bandanas need not apply. Ditto people who know about grammar, spelling and generally decent writing. Please don’t put the phone down!

Chelsea

Box No 1342359679

YES, AND WE WERE NOMINATED AT THE NUS/DAILY MIRROR STUDENT JOURNALISM AWARDS!

It’s true! I read 5 papers a day, isn’t the media wonderful? I know and I’m part of it! ME! I talk too much and don’t want to reveal my deep seated insecurities, it’s all because of that bloody Oedipus complex you know, yes that’s right, I wrote about it once, in a student publication. Now for the news. Boy seeks love and possible therapy.

London Student Editorial Office

Box No 1040350603

NICE BOY WANTED

Young, attractive girl sick of trawling TorySoc for a partner, now interested in dating humans. Like a breath of fresh air after leaving a room full of farts, you must be passionate, ever so slightly neurotic but most of all nice!

Ramsay Hall

Box No 1040250302

TAKE IT HARD YOU BITCH

Age undisclosed, hard drinking, coke snorting member of the student media set. WLTM luddite editor for fun, games and controversy. Must be prepared to accept that the woman is always at fault, generally for having breasts and possibly showing a square of skin. I am after all a product of the rock-hard erection I get when you struggle.

Pi Editorial ‘Office’/Hell

Box No 104310432

SOUTHEND WERE IN THE FIRST DIVISION ONCE

19, cheerful screaming-blackdeath-grindcore band drummer, lives above posh restaurant, seeks fit bird who enjoys discussing the politics of Noam Chomsky and long walks in country followed by extensive planting of ranging poles on scree slopes. Though I occasionally suffer from impotence, my flatmate is a male model, who has been rumoured to work with Kate Moss, and I have a supply of sedatives. Did you know there’s a difference between wetlands and estuaries? Send off for more moist secrets...