Someone asked me recently, what UCL is really about. What is it that makes it one of the finest establishments in the country, with such dedication to fabulous excellence and its commitment to wonderful greatness? Is it you, the students, with your fanatical societies, dedicated student union, ability to combat adversity, strive for excellence, fight crime and save babies from burning buildings?
I didn’t think so. You people really aren’t all that interesting. When someone suggested that this column be turned over to you, I disagreed. Then I had the bastard shot. So this column is not about you. It’s all about me.
Personally, I have always wanted to be a princess. However, getting to write about myself is surely the next best thing. I hope you enjoy this new honest style. Well to be perfectly honest it doesn’t really matter if you don’t, does it? I know that you want me anyway. I’m your dirty little secret. Some people comfort eat things that will make them sick (like pies) but you get your fix from me – my overuse of clichés and similes burning your retinas like bleach…
How can someone in such an esteemed position be this self-absorbed? Well it’s easy really, but that would take another few columns… Anyway, you say that top of your worry list is world peace. Well, not me. I don’t worry. Not when I look like this in a sparkly top and eyeshadow. Peace is out and arty photographic angles are most definitely in.
Someone famous once said something about someone, and that’s the thought I’d like to leave you with. Don’t forget, the answer to everything is not to be found in a one-line conclusion to a magazine column…