Bars: Ugg Bar
28 Notting Hill Gate, London W9 4EE 020 7925 6001 Web: www.uggerbugger.com/goodnightout Open 6pm - 12am Mon-Sat.
If you are ugly and have the conversational skills of a tumble drier, this bar is where you should be. It is dark, the music is loud, and the drinks all have a high alcohol content. After 11pm those who are facially challenged but compensate with humour will also be admitted.
Partially funded by the WBYNS (We are Beautiful You are Not Society) and GQ magazine as part of their ‘Clean Up Our Streets’ initiative, The Ugg Bar provides a haven for like-faced people to go and be ugly together without upsetting those more fortunate. It also provides relief on the streets of London where the beautiful people will be able to go out on a Friday night and not be chatted up by the short guy with bad teeth. You may spot what the bar has deemed its “Honorary Uggs” who include Chris Evans, Rick Waller, Bruce Forsyth and Jodie Marsh.
Remember your ID – the bouncers have been briefed not to take your ugliness at face value. Students will need to show their ID card (this provides as a good indication of your true appearance as you blatantly forgot it was picture day when you turned up for enrolment).
We give this 4 paper bags out of 5. It seems like a good idea for all ugly people. And anyway, why do you think you can afford to be so picky anyway? If you don’t like this place I suppose there’s always your room with the curtains closed.
Cinema: Nothing by Friedrich Von Trapp
Museum of Moving Image, South Bank complex, SE1 8XT Web: www.bfi.orgy.net/museum. Embankment/Waterloo Tube. FREE admission. Until November 8th
After leaving the Von Trapp family singers due to heavy ketamine usage on the tourbus, Friedrich turned his hand to filmmaking. Specialising in not actually using any video inside his video recorder, Von Trapp’s work emphasises the temporal nature of moving image media. This, combined with the vacuous state of his mind, leads to some unexpected results.
Please note: For those who cannot locate the Museum of Moving Image, or get there only to disover it was closed in 1999, Nothing will be projected onto the side of the National Film Theatre, every Monday, 5pm-1am.