Top 5 Pisstastic Places Around Campus
Marian Jago and Nick Miao
Have you got a small bladder? Perhaps permanent nerve damage in your genital regions? Or maybe you’re just extra hydrated (with the finest spirits offered by Students’ Union UCL). Whatever your reasons, we’re here with a list of the best spots to piss around campus. Prepare to release the yellow rage, dear reader!!
- Big Bins in Alleyway Between Caffe Nero and Itsu on Tottenham Court Road
This beautiful Paris-reminiscent alleyway is a wonderful spot to release a secluded bladder. It’s popular among the locals and is a tourist favourite for its ambience, as evident from the distinct stench.
Top Tips: Go in between the big bins for maximum privacy!
- Bushes Opposite UCLH Next To The 134 Bus Stop
Great if you’re in a hurry to catch the bus home! This spot is a personal favourite, with a unique breeze from the traffic on the big scary junction. For you thrillseekers out there, be sure to check out the 20-foot drop onto the Euston Road underpass.
Top Tip: Ideal for AMAB individuals, suitable for AFAB. For added thrill, angle your piss to the bus stop and make direct eye contact with the driver.
- Phineas Bathroom Sink (Not The Toilet!)
Don’t be confused! Many people miss this sweet spot in favour of the so-called ‘toilet’. This sink offers a far superior urination experience. With a specially large sink spanning 42cm wide and 22cm deep, this facility was built for pissing in mind. There’s also an extra 47cm of table space on the right for those who wish to indulge in Class A substances!
Top Tip: The Editors would like to add that The Cheese Grater Magazine does not condone the use of Class A substances within university premises.
- Bushes Next To Spiritual Statue Opposite IOE Bar
In the line for the Institute bar and need somewhere to wee? This spot is the one for you! Just out of sight (of the drunk patrons of the IOE) but under the comforting yet watchful eye of the statue. When your stream of ammonia-filled piss makes its first contact with the lush, tall bushes, notice how you begin to learn things you never knew about yourself before… your golden piss is the connection to the universe.
Top Tip: Shake the hands of the bouncers afterwards for good hygiene.
- SU Offices On Second Floor 25 Gordon Street WC1H 0AH
The Students’ Union is known to take the piss (especially when they try to sell you hoodies costing an arm and a kidney), so why not return to sender and take the piss back to them? The Union prides itself as a student-run, student-owned institution. This means you, dear reader, own the Union. And this gives you an inalienable right to piss at the doors of their offices any day, any time.
Top Tip: Buzz the door and request the Sabbatical Officers for a welcoming and encouraging urination experience!
Disclaimer: The Editors would like to remind the reader that public urination is a criminal offence under the Public Order Act 1986, potentially punishable by degloving of the genital region. This article does not reflect the values of The Cheese Grater Magazine, and these ‘recommendations’ represent the personal opinions of the so-called ‘writers’.