Rejoice my Gossip Garglers,
Whilst I know my absence has left all you poor students desperately aching for my return, it seems I cannot say the same for some of our other societies. Have you not felt campus feeling oddly serene as of recent?
Well, one of my sub-bitches let it slip that we’ve had to bid au revoir to 29 woeful societies. Oh you poor, poor souls, whatever shall you do without the likes of Sims Soc, Sitcom Soc, and Soap Opera Soc. I’m sure you’ll all be left scammering trying to figure out how to spend your evenings without Fragrance Soc’s socials to occupy you. Actually, I lied. Please accept my sincerest apologies my dear Gossip Guzzlers, for this bitch has found plenty of these societies really had no activities to attend at all.
A familiar face jumps out amongst the dreadful list - our ill-fated Liberal Democrat Soc! Clearly they haven’t been doing too well since this bitch reported on them last - some of the more seasoned (i.e. senile) readers amongst you may recall their indecisive two-timing president of years past. And it seems disaffiliation was already rearing its ugly head for the LibDems as this bitch hears they were set targets to stay afloat. Alas, their sole committee member couldn’t find 30 students to sit on the fence with them. Underwhelming, but fitting for such a drab society.
How truly tragic. I can’t say I’ll miss the lot of you though, as I’m sure someone else hopelessly desperate to attain their BNOC status will come along to replace you all with similar shell societies. All I ask is, whoever it’ll be, you keep me entertained with something more riveting than a Sims Soc.
K. T.