In a limping effort to play The Cheese Grater at its own game, the most recent Pi Newspaper included a column titled “Pi Diary”, written by Editor Samuel Johnson. The column was based on “gossip and whispers around UCL” but was tepid at best, splicing together widely-known society and union business with smirking asides about national politics, including a distasteful reference to Liam Fox’s sexuality.
The column also quoted Johnson’s personal tutor and Head of Department Professor John Mullan in a lengthy tribute to the editor’s namesake: Dr Samuel Johnson, the literary giant. Far from “gossip and whispers”, this bizarre piece of self-aggrandisement slavishly worshipped the man who will be writing Johnson’s references as his graduation fast approaches.
Johnson describes Mullan as “dishy”, a “top public intellectual”, and “a veritable Adonis among men”. Without wishing to labour the point, this dribbling adoration is just plain weird. The Cheese Grater suggests that Johnson stick to trying to impress his tutors in the classroom, rather than on the pages of his Union-funded paper.
What’s more, the tone and content of the article has won Johnson few friends within the paper, with one senior Pi Media source describing the column as “shitty and arseholic”, further stating that Johnson “loves the sound of his own voice”.
Pi Diary also referred to the success of The Cheese Grater team in Union elections and suggested that this would compromise the magazine’s independence from UCLU. The Cheese Grater would like to point out that the front page of the same issue of Pi Newspaper carried a story (also written by Johnson) documenting The Cheese Grater’s open defiance of Union instruction. As forgettable as Johnson’s prose may be to the average reader, one would have imagined that the author of both articles could put two and two together.
One would also hope that Johnson had his own house in order before turning on other media outlets. According to Pi Newspaper ex-Design Editor Rosie Walters, Johnson is “a nightmare to work with”, while another committee member said that he is “literally gormless in meetings”.
This lack of engagement and attention is projected through the entire paper. The last issue was published with the wrong month on the cover, and prominently displayed a screenshot of some highly graphic pornography. A series of pictures were displayed, only one of which had been blurred leaving several explicit sexual acts on show. In the words of bungling Democracy and Communications Officer James Skuse: “when I saw it they looked censored”.
Whether Skuse was able to properly examine the issue when reading it on his phone at the NUS Zones conference in Liverpool is another matter. It now appears that even this cursory check was a waste of Skuse’s time, as Union sources indicate that the edition had already been sent to the printers without authorisation.
Perhaps Johnson’s desire to emulate The Cheese Grater’s infamous Society Bitch column stems from the rejection of his submission to this inky pamphlet in October 2010. The article saw Johnson star as a rainmaker at the Labour party conference, weighing in for Ed Miliband in exchange for a peerage for himself and a baronetcy for Prof Mullan.
The website is yet another embarrassment. The “Top Stories” on the homepage haven’t changed in almost a year, and a yawning white space dominates the screen. Quite apart from any design issues, this is a shocking failure to get new student- generated content under the eyes of readers, and is a chronic waste of a cheap and obvious outlet.
While Pi Magazine is looking great this year, Pi Newspaper is going in the opposite direction. Rumours abound of yet more opposition to the paper’s leadership than mentioned here, and the ugly truth remains that UCL is being let down by a needlessly rubbish paper, which is now leagues away from student journo pacesetters: Imperial’s Felix, Cambridge’s Varsity, and Oxford’s Cherwell. UCL deserves better. Or you could just read The Cheese Grater.