NO AMOUNT of satire (not even from this respected organ) could accurately recreate recent events at UCLU. It seems appropriate to unravel this tangle of student politics by employing a conceptual tool from the world of political parody; the Yes Minister Critical Analysis, or YMCA for short (Lynn and Jay, 1980’s).
The Glass Divide
“It is my job to protect the Prime Minister from the great tide of irrelevant information that beats against the walls of 10 Downing Street every day.”
Running the Union would be a lot easier if there weren’t any students to bother with. The Sabbs may not have civil servants to keep the troublesome great unwashed at bay but who needs staff members when a large, thick and expensive glass wall will do just as well? The Sabbs claim that being constantly interrupted makes it difficult to work and that with an open office, they can’t discuss matters confidentially. So in order to stop the “constant disruptions” from students seeking their help or (heaven forbid) hearing ‘secret’ decisions being made, the full time executive are blowing £6,000 on a glass partition. For less than a tenner, they could have bought 25 pairs of hold confidential discussions, could just use the “impractical” meeting room that is situated just a few metres from their desks…
Say no to Sodexho
“As long as there is anything to be gained by saying nothing, it is always better to say nothing than anything.”
Catering at Phineas, the Union bar named after and featuring the mascot of the Union for which generations of UCL students have fought for, is to be tendered out to an external catering company. One company on the initial shortlist is the woeful Scolarest whose over-priced food and mismanagement are known only too well (see CG 11). Another of the possible contenders is Sodexho, the same company that made disastrous losses of £50,000 annually for seven years when running the nearby UCL Refectory (see CG11). The tendering out of Phineas Food is being dealt with by the General Manager of UCLU. Someone (we can’t say who) described Sodexho as a “terrible company”. The General Manager is a member of staff. Night follows day.
Worse still is the fact that some Sabbatical Officers regard decisions such as the management of Union services so important that the rest of us don’t Anthony Moore, Promotions Officer asked CSSD Sabbatical Robbie Swale about the Phineas tendering decision, Swale rounded on Moore, demanding to know how he knew about it. Moore had legitimately heard about the decision made in a Union Admin meeting by reading the minutes provided to the Execu tive. So much then for the openness between the Sabbaticals and their part time counterparts; a relationship which Robbie “Iron Curtain” Swale vehemently defended at the AGM by telling all present that “All decisions made in Admin meetings between the Sabbaticals and the General Manager are shared with the entire Executive.” Perhaps Robbie was alarmed because, as the YMCA shows, “If people don’t know what you’re doing, they don’t know what you’re doing wrong.”
“When anybody says ‘It’s not the money, it’s the principle’ they mean it’s the money.”
Runaway Pay
With his farcical departure last term, it is quite clear that Ed ‘Runaway’ Bray jumped before he was pushed. It was made absolutely clear to the Union that if Bray didn’t resign, College would fire him. Of course, this wasn’t a problem for Runaway, by resigning before the shit hit the fan he neatly escaped any charge of gross misconduct and therefore had no need to note this little misdemeanour on his CV.
Not only that, but Bray was also paid for his one month no tice, despite the fact that didn’t turn up for a single day of it. This too despite the fact that the General Manager assured the Union that Bray would fulfil his entire notice period. The standing orders clearly state that any Sabbatical Officer that resigns and does not serve his/her notice are not entitled to their wages. Similarly, if an officer commits gross misconduct, all pay will be suspended. Nick Barnard (Media & Communications) told The Cheese Grater that this was because Runaway had pro rata holiday as well as suggesting that it “wasn’t viable” for the remaining Sabbs to demand Bray saw out his notice.
Ed Bray left UCL after committing gross misconduct, failed in his duties to the members of the Union, doesn’t have to tell any of his future employers about it AND got one month worth of wages as a bonus. Well done Ed!