After a brief hiatus from the fear and loathing of the campaign trail, Election Bitch is pulling up her sleeves and rolling in the mud with the candidates once again. Politics hasn’t been this interesting since Donald Trump’s ejection from the Zuckerberg- Musk Media, but luckily this year’s SU election has put the crazy back in democracy.
UCLove received a much-needed injection of controversy as it became the stage for Emma Cryer, Activities and Engagement Officer candidate, to defend herself from all sides. After heeding Students for Justice in Palestine’s demands for all the candidates to pledge to Boycott, Sanction and Divest from Israel, her name was quickly removed from the petition for being disingenuous. Evidence of her secret life as a Mossad agent is yet to materialise, but SJP were surely free from any ulterior motives.
In other news, Muhammad Mehmood bid farewell to his Welfare Officer rivals as he extorted a 1000 ballot lead by stopping people in the street and forcing them to vote for him. One can only imagine that his constituents’ welfare will be the centrepiece of his tenure - even if not, he doesn’t need to worry about a vote of no confidence.
Other cheap tactics were deployed against the incumbent Equity Officer, Arifa Aminy. The Afghan refugee was denounced online for her grasp of the English language and campaign poster font choices. While I would certainly prefer a Times New Roman, these gladiators may have overstepped their bounds.
All in all, this election season was a nasty one, and Election Bitch is counting down the days until the next one.