The Sportsnite bottom-feeders at UCLU Lacrosse are notoriously unloved – having suffered the indignity of being christened “stick waving maggots” by the urbane wags at Men’s Football last year. Now the club has turned to Tinder to find new recruits, and presumably some Netflix and chill after training. Soc Bitch won’t be joining any time soon though – she always swipes left on group pics.
After failing to convince the Union to abolish its dedicated sabbatical officers for women and minority ethnic students as a cost-cutting measure, Soc Bitch hears that the sports societies have found another noble cause to rally behind: making sure they have enough bins to vomit into. The voracious boozehounds have apparently complained that Phineas – unlike their counterparts serving the Medics’ teams over at the Huntley – won’t provide puke points on Wednesdays. Don’t they just make the freshers eat it anyway?
Soc Bitch has learnt that a group of students turned amateur sleuths are trying to discover her true identity. So far they’ve narrowed everyone’s favourite gossip columnist down to a member of both Musical Theatre and Drama societies. Good effort, guys, but you forgot Dance – this hack’s a triple threat.