The Bitch is Back with a Bang!

Oh, you poor gossip deprived students. I bet you missed me. And with such a large break from when you last heard from me, we have a lot to recap.

First however I feel I must clear my name. Although I may be Soc Bitch, I certainly do not participate in beauty contests, let alone host them. Whatever Zuckerberg wannabes were the creators of last year’s “UCL Bitch” website clearly realised that not all UCL students are as vain and vapid as the women’s netball team. Certainly, like some mean girls deleted scene, all these plastics cared about was ranking the attractiveness of the SU election candidates and tarnishing my Bitch name in the process. Hmph. Expect to hear from my lawyer.

Speaking of netball teams…

Already the society with the roughest reputation, somehow UCL Mens Rugby have managed to sink even lower into their grave of monstrous mistakes. For those with their noses not quite close enough to the sweaty scrum stench, you may have missed out on last year’s tale of terror. Being forced to socialise with both the Rugby and the Netball teams might seem scary enough to us normal folk, but add in the threat of a rugby social sec with a firework and even the King’s students would be smart enough to realise the danger. The sanity of said social sec must be questioned here, but let’s face it, when you hit your head in enough scrums you might just become stupid enough to let a firework off into a crowd. Let’s just say the night ended with a bang, an eyepatch, and an ambulance.

But finally, EFS, again. Tut tut, making me speak your name once more. It seems the bitch-al ball (patent pending) was correct in predicting its tattered future. My underlings (Bitchettes if you will) gossip that the EFS president paid off students on WeChat to vote for him. Some brains were obviously involved this time as he managed to make them members in time to vote. Is being this corrupt and slimy a requirement to get in or something? It is surprising that it wasn’t one of the questions asked in its now infamous committee interviews! Better try again at learning how to hide your tracks EFS, they do say third times the charm.

This Soc Bitch can’t wait to see all the juicy morsels of gossip that slither their way out of freshers week this year. Here’s hoping for some fresh faces as the current cast of slippery socs and stupid social secs is beginning to get a bit repetitive. Or maybe I’m just hoping the rugby team will act like normal human beings for once in their lives. 

Welcome freshers and good luck to the rest of you miscreants.