humour

An Ode to Coughing

It was my first lecture back and I was so excited, until I felt a tickle in the back of my throat! Oh No! I thought to myself. Then out it came, a massive cough! I could feel all eyes turn to face me, even the lecturer stopped talking! EMBARRASSING!! But wait, what’s this? I …

An Ode to Coughing Read More »

Breaking News: Influencers Have Completely Lost It As Instagram Enters Its 6th Hour of Not Working

Monday 4th October 2021, c.10:45pm BST.  Hello and welcome to the totally real and not made up Cheese Grater Live News Report (otherwise known by our snappier name, C.G.L.N.R). The time is 46 minutes past the 22nd o’clock and we are reporting live from sketch in Mayfair, London. Unusually, this beautiful establishment is eerily empty, …

Breaking News: Influencers Have Completely Lost It As Instagram Enters Its 6th Hour of Not Working Read More »

A Sonnet for Sin Bin

Shall I compare thee to A Wednesday Eve For you smell of VK, and of Jager Rough times have meant that you now must leave But in Wicked Student Nights we will remember.   Sometimes too loud, Boom Boom Pow did play And often security doth screamed in my face By chance or nature, every …

A Sonnet for Sin Bin Read More »

Teenager X

Teenager X, as written for an American high-school themed TV show by a fully grown adult (sample script) “HEY! You wanna go to a fucking party???” “I’m not very keen on parties. Besides, I have homework due tomorrow”, replies the one-dimensional protagonist who just moved schools. “Homework?”, *Teenager X* responds perplexedly. “I haven’t done any …

Teenager X Read More »

Soc Bitch: Freshers Edition

Well, well, well, if it isn’t your favourite drama queen back on campus. Unfortunately, I’ll also be joined by two years’ worth of freshers, but I suppose it’s within their right to go to the Ministry of Sound and get an STI. Speaking of STIs, UCL Men’s Rugby are reportedly back after several years in …

Soc Bitch: Freshers Edition Read More »

‘If’

‘If’ – by Rudyard Kipling Stanley Johnson If you can lose your head when all about you Are keeping theirs and not blaming you, If you will trust no one, except Cummings, And subjugate all who vote against you If you can hate and not tire of hating; Not lied about, yet the purveyor of …

‘If’ Read More »