What the Upcoming Mercury Retrograde Means for You
This article appeared in CG issue 83.
humour
The Cost of Living Crisis: Cheesegrater’s Opinion
Holly Unless you’ve been living under a rock, or in a developed country, you will have heard all about the catastrophe haunting the UK at the moment. Don’t worry, the Queen hasn’t resurrected in her lizard form; I’m talking about the cost of living crisis. It’s like the 70s coming back without the fun flares …
The Cost of Living Crisis: Cheesegrater’s Opinion Read More »
An Ode to Coughing
It was my first lecture back and I was so excited, until I felt a tickle in the back of my throat! Oh No! I thought to myself. Then out it came, a massive cough! I could feel all eyes turn to face me, even the lecturer stopped talking! EMBARRASSING!! But wait, what’s this? I …
Breaking News: Influencers Have Completely Lost It As Instagram Enters Its 6th Hour of Not Working
Monday 4th October 2021, c.10:45pm BST. Hello and welcome to the totally real and not made up Cheese Grater Live News Report (otherwise known by our snappier name, C.G.L.N.R). The time is 46 minutes past the 22nd o’clock and we are reporting live from sketch in Mayfair, London. Unusually, this beautiful establishment is eerily empty, …
Cheese Grater Admits to Endorsing SU Agenda
In light of recent allegations that the Cheese Grater magazine panders to the SU agenda, we would like to confirm that this is undoubtedly, undeniably, and irrefutably true. The Cheese Grater magazine was founded in with the sole aim of pedalling the lines of SU executives and UCL Management, and not to cover how the …
A Sonnet for Sin Bin
Shall I compare thee to A Wednesday Eve For you smell of VK, and of Jager Rough times have meant that you now must leave But in Wicked Student Nights we will remember. Sometimes too loud, Boom Boom Pow did play And often security doth screamed in my face By chance or nature, every …
Teenager X
Teenager X, as written for an American high-school themed TV show by a fully grown adult (sample script) “HEY! You wanna go to a fucking party???” “I’m not very keen on parties. Besides, I have homework due tomorrow”, replies the one-dimensional protagonist who just moved schools. “Homework?”, *Teenager X* responds perplexedly. “I haven’t done any …
Soc Bitch: Freshers Edition
Well, well, well, if it isn’t your favourite drama queen back on campus. Unfortunately, I’ll also be joined by two years’ worth of freshers, but I suppose it’s within their right to go to the Ministry of Sound and get an STI. Speaking of STIs, UCL Men’s Rugby are reportedly back after several years in …
‘If’
‘If’ – by Rudyard Kipling Stanley Johnson If you can lose your head when all about you Are keeping theirs and not blaming you, If you will trust no one, except Cummings, And subjugate all who vote against you If you can hate and not tire of hating; Not lied about, yet the purveyor of …