Teenager X, as written for an American high-school themed TV show by a fully grown adult (sample script) “HEY! You wanna go to a fucking party???” “I’m not very keen on parties. Besides, I have homework due tomorrow”, replies the one-dimensional protagonist who just moved schools. “Homework?”, *Teenager X* responds perplexedly. “I haven’t done any […]
‘If’ – by Rudyard Kipling Stanley Johnson If you can lose your head when all about you Are keeping theirs and not blaming you, If you will trust no one, except Cummings, And subjugate all who vote against you If you can hate and not tire of hating; Not lied about, yet the purveyor of
Hola fellow youths. In all my years dropping in and out of first year at UCL, I’ve never really felt that tuition fees were worth it. I keep on paying though, because to be a fresher is to be a spring chicken oblivious of the upcoming trip to the battery farm, and money doesn’t really
UCL’s Plan to Keep Our Tuition Fees, Exposé by Billy Fresher Read More »
Dear Astrology Haters, How are you doing? There was recently a new moon in Pisces, which you were unaware of. Did you let go of what has not been serving you? Obviously not, because you still haven’t moved on from your ex (yes, the one that you texted during mercury retrograde). Notice how I know
An Anonymous Letter To People Who Don’t Believe in Astrology Read More »
1. Students are stupid and Postgraduate Teaching Assistant Secrets (PGTAs) do everything we can to make you feel inferior to us. 2. PGTAs hold a secret meeting in Senate House before every term to decide on measures to destroy your confidence and self-worth. 3. We DO laugh at you behind your back. 4. We expect
My favourite jams – by Jeremy Corbyn Hello everybody. If there’s one thing we can agree on it is that 2016 was a wonderful year for jam. I personally succeeded in making 12 jams, and if you can email me pictures of the jam you made that would be great. Here is a list of
“Condiments of the Stars” – This week, Jeremy Corbyn’s Favourite Jams! Read More »
President Donald Trump’s latest executive order has declared February 14th as National Patriotic 10s Day. “To make America great again, America must celebrate the best of what makes America great: 10s; beautiful women. Tremendous,” the written order states. The executive order will “revitalise the American economy” by decreasing seasonal imports on foreign Chinese goods, such
Speech borrows heavily from former Iraqi President, critics claim President Donald Trump has been caught red-handed in his inauguration speech. The 16-minute address, delivered to a crowd of, quite literally, some people on the 20th January, appears to have lifted a number of lines verbatim from Saddam Hussein’s 2003 speech to the Kuwaiti people. Speaking
Donald Trump Inauguration Speech “Plagiarised Hussein” Read More »
