Student politics at UCL has a major crisis of engagement. In last year’s Leadership Race, the Union celebrated a ‘record-breaking’ turnout of… 23.7%. While mildly impressive for a student election, the reality is far worse: on average, only 2,679 students – a mere 5.2% of the student body – voted in each of the six […]
It’s the dead of night. Freshers week is finally upon you; after a long, listless summer. You drag yourself home, back from a club you don’t know the name of. It’s the dead of night and you are freezing. All is quiet as you brace against the rain, the wind pummeling your chest. From far
Cycle rickshaws: the good, the bad, and the bedazzled Read More »
If you are new to UCL, you will probably notice very soon that the Provost has a particular obsession with ‘free speech’ and a little something called ‘Disagreeing Well’. Andrea Bidnic, Investigations Editor After three years in office, the President and Provost Michael Spence’s record on free speech is convoluted on paper and contradictory in
What is it with the Provost and ‘Disagreeing Well’? Read More »
Welcome back, my dear gossip guzzlers. I know you’ve missed me, but I certainly haven’t missed you. It’s been a long summer and there’s plenty to discuss with all 50,000+ of you. Fifty. Thousand. Plus. There’s enough of you to fill the town of Dover and go spilling into the sea. As a result, UCL
By way of introducing readers to the new sabbatical leadership at the Students’ Union, The Cheese Grater has taken the great risk of pissing off the entire sabb team with a personalised introduction for each officer. We hope that the officers named will not be too terribly offended, for there is much more to come
Has the thrill of Freshers been replaced by the eldritch horror that is Turnitin, or worse, UCL Accommodation? I’ve been there too. Just as the autumn leaves return to the ground each year, so did I invariably find myself questioning my entire existence in the same Student Centre toilet stall. But sometime last year, crouched
Top five spots on campus to have a breakdown in (tried and tested) Read More »
Please write to us Dear Readers, The Cheese Grater had a brief experiment with a letters column called the Mailsack around ten years ago which didn’t last very long, but we thought we’d try again. We are now accepting letters addressed to the editors from all UCL students and staff, current and former, regardless of
The Portal has opened, but its glow is far from beckoning… Instead, a rather grim, shadowy darkness looms, eager to swallow me up and spit me out onto a lacklustre Graduation Ceremony stage… Katherine Graham Having just finished three years at ‘London’s Global University’, both my personal and university email inboxes were flooded with insistent
In a blog post titled ‘Improving experience and accessibility for our campus’ central spaces’, the University has announced its plans to close the Main Quad and the ground floor of the Wilkins Building from mid-December 2024 to January 2026 for major renovations ahead of its bicentenary anniversary in 2026. Nick Miao, Co-Editor-in-Chief The works represent
Kiss goodbye to the Main Quad until 2026, says UCL Read More »
Despite his repeated claims that the ‘right to protest, debate, and challenging ideas is fundamental to our role as a university’, the President and Provost Michael Spence appears to have no interest in extending the freedom of speech to UCL’s over 200 outsourced security workers. Malvika Murkumbi, Investigations Editor While the Provost has begrudgingly agreed
Dear Diary, Today was yet another disappointment. The consultant did not notice me yet again, not giving me any additional jobs to do. How else am I going to complete my portfolio with 8 weeks to spare. After a morning ward round, with a disappointing lack of obscure questions that would make a consultant quake
At the Faculty of Arts and Humanities graduation on Tuesday (3 September), one student was forced to receive their degree certificate on the floor because UCL didn’t think to accommodate wheelchair users at the ceremony. Robert Delaney The Cheese Grater can confirm that Jamie Hale, who studied for an MA in the PPE of Health,
Access denied: UCL fails disabled student on graduation day Read More »
When the choice at this general election is between the Tories and the Red Tories, The Cheese Grater believes that students should vote for an independent or third-party candidate, or better yet, draw a cock and balls on their ballot. Editorial History will remember this Conservative government for its chaos, corruption, and utter contempt for
Editorial: Don’t be held electoral hostage on July 4 Read More »
Robert Delaney (image via @are_eb on X) As I write this opinion piece, pro-Palestinian encampments have sprung up on UCL’s Main Quad. Following in the footsteps of students at Columbia University in New York, there has been a mass student movement across the world, from the US to Japan, in protest of the prevalent complicity
UCL needs to Divest Now: Why Michael Spence must Listen to Protestors Read More »
Subdue beginning appear have fill also their sea i you’re i from under, moving appear light may waters evening grass shall morning winged. First forth were itself given second kind creeping. All sixth give them from. Creepeth may likeness there. Years. Earth isn’t. Fly shall. Whales Them behold fruitful, bring living after open can’t have
I Miss the GameCube WaveBird, the Best Controller Nintendo Ever Made Read More »
Dear Provost, Six weeks ago the UCL Disabled Students’ Network released a report based on the testimonies of 33 disabled students. This report described patterns of disability discrimination at UCL and the institutional failings that caused them. When we released the report it received praise from students, staff and experts, as well as significant media attention. Upon
In 2014 the minister for Universities and Science, David Willets, announced changes to the Disabled Students’ Allowance (DSA) which has been in place since 1974. DSA was an non-repayable government funded grant aimed to cover any additional costs that students may incur due to disability, such as specialist software or accommodation. The changes meant that
UCL’s ambiguous approach to Disabled Students’ Allowance Read More »
It is a commonly acknowledged fact amongst UCL’s student population that library facilities leave a lot to be desired. But, whilst for abled-bodied students the libraries might seem as though they are filled with an unending litany of minor inconveniences, for those with disabilities they are often outright inaccessible. Representatives of SU UCL’s Disabled Students’
Students with disabilities excluded from UCL libraries Read More »
It is with a heavy heart that Soc Bitch must announce that RUMS Sports Teams are at it again. Pandemonium ensued at last night’s RUMS sports ball when partygoers were all evicted at 10pm. During the classy £50-per-person dinner, members of the all-male rugby, hockey, and football clubs smashed wine glasses on people’s heads, and
UCL medics glass attendees at debauched sports ball Read More »
Jordan B Peterson’s overnight ascent from sexless provincial college professor to international cultural icon has taken the world by storm. His new book, Wash Your Penis, deals with a modicum of manly issues – ranging from lawn tennis to anal sex, and everything in between. The Cheese Grater caught up with Peterson on a relaxed
In a year when UCL accommodations are less accessible to the most financially insecure students due to the scrapping of the Accommodation Bursary and Hardship Fund, UCL now appears to be trying to curb the activities of Cut the Rent. Whilst attempting to organise an event for Max Rayne and Ifor Evans students, Cut the
Has scrapping hardship bursary disadvantaged UCL’s worst-off students? Read More »
Can it be true? UCL Men’s Rugby, long the bête noire of your fair columnist, has been disaffiliated from the Union. In June, the club was caught chanting racist songs on the Loop bus, and given one last chance. Last week, the lads tried to organise an initiation for freshers (allegedly forced by the knuckle-dragging
It is with no small amount of schadenfreude that Soc Bitch can announce that UCL Men’s Rugby has been disaffiliated from Students’ Union UCL. It’s been a trying year for our purple-bleeding lads. After their memorial for feminist icon Hugh Hefner was cancelled, and their Very Respectful attempts at cultural diplomacy went awry, the club
The Cheese Grater can exclusively reveal that UCL Socialist Worker Student Society (SWSS), affiliated to the Socialist Workers Party, is not run by UCL students, but by the old-school Trots at the central party apparatus. The SWP has gained infamy for its efforts in 2011 to cover up allegations that a leading party member, known
Socialist Workers Party secretly run student society Read More »
This academic year, it has often been impossible for students to access WiFi in UCL libraries. Though eduroam functioned fine before the summer, since the start of September, coverage has been incredibly spotty, often going down for hours at a time. In one notable episode last week, WiFi was down across the university, greatly inconveniencing
UCL Magic Society has been disaffiliated from the union after a failure to conjure up enough card-carrying members spelled disaster for the group. The unfortunate illusionists had no ace up their sleeve after falling short of the necessary 30 members, and were informed over reading week by union staff that their affiliation had disappeared in
Draft #64 I have just been to Buckingham Palace, where Her Majesty The Queen has asked me to form a new government, and I accepted. First of all, I would like to thank Theresa May, my Right Honourable friend, for her principled leadership, and for finally resigning. I never expected to become Prime Minister. Others
Exclusive: Boris Johnson’s first speech as Prime Minister Read More »
It’s Thursday afternoon and fresher Daniel Jones is on route to meeting UCL’s provost Michael Arthur for what could be a ground-breaking interview. Thanks to a promotion within the Cheese Grater hierarchy, the position as Wholesome News Correspondent has recently become vacant. Chances like this don’t come around often, and those with ambitions need to
Hi there Fr-iend-esher! Have you got any questions about coming to ? Oh, hello. Yes, sorry, this is then? Yes! This is – welcome friend! No, sorry, not . ? Pardon? I’m looking for , as in – French-speaking Belgium’s largest University. Oh, this isn’t as in , French speaking Belgium’s largest University. This is
From September 2018, UCL will outsource employment of temporary workers to an external agency, Unitemps in a move which UCU representatives have described as ‘undermining … staff rights’ and propagating an ‘anti-university community culture’. Student Ambassador jobs will be the first to be outsourced. However, in time, all temporary and non-academic student contracts will be
Keeping it casual: UCL outsource temporary staff to Unitemps Read More »
Recent changes to the attendance monitoring policy for Tier 4 students in several UCL faculties are generating opposition from staff and students. It is alleged that the new policies not only unjustly target overseas students, but also force teaching staff to act as border officers, making them responsible for enforcing immigration policies. On 23rd April,
This year, instead of being dotted around London in weird conference rooms and dingy church basements, UCL’s summer exams were all held in one easily accessible location. Okay, it was two changes, one DLR and at least an hour away, but hey, I really hated getting lost before EVERY single exam last year, so the
Exams at the ExCel: Where were all the examiners this year? Read More »
Hundreds of millions of students a day are using hard drugs in London alone. Every month, The Cheese Grater will be asking a figure in youth culture what their views are on the matter. In month one, Prime Minister Theresa May argues that something needs to be done about this unparalleled depravity, and shares a
Drug Talk: Theresa May Talks Running Through a Field of Weed Read More »
In a bitter twist to the short reign of Charles Hymas (he was hired last April), UCL’s now former Head of Media Relations leaves the university in a blaze of terrible PR. On Valentines Day, Hymas sent an email to all staff in the Communications Department detailing the infamous town hall set-up by academics that
Seven Things We Learned from UCL Spin Doctor’s Crazy Rant That Got Him Fired Read More »
The controversial plan to move AGMs online appears to have been much ado about nothing, with the majority of UCL’s 268 societies opting out of online elections. Last month, a motion passed by UCL Council ensured that societies would be allowed the choice to opt-out of the forced switch to online democracy. Though Carl Salton-Cox, the
Here’s How Many Societies Opted-Out of The Union’s Shambolic Online Elections Read More »
Earlier this year, an international student and former vice-warden of UCL accommodation shared her story with The Cheese Grater. Her tale exposes a system that cares little for international students other than the money they bring in. It is a story of bullying, dishonesty, and mistreatment by senior staff. In our resulting investigation, The Cheese Grater has
How UCL Risked The Immigration Status of Vice Wardens For Years Read More »
Though their Hugh Hefner memorial back in October didn’t go to plan, Soc Bitch wishes Men’s Rugby all the luck in celebrating Chinese New Year tonight. The Facebook event for tonight’s festivities begins by saying “the best Eastern celebration of 2018 is upon us and fittingly it is the year of the dog.” Oh ffs.
UCL Men’s Rugby Encourage “Oriental Attire” For Tonight’s Chinese New Year Celebrations Read More »
In the ongoing struggle against the old dog of misogyny, Soc Bitch has learned that two valiant young men from UCL Boat Club have decided that they, single-handedly, know what’s best for the women in their club. The Two Woke Men™ have set up a meeting (consisting of… the very same Two Woke Men™) where they
UCL Boat Club Plan Meeting to Solve The Patriarchy… No Women Invited Read More »
Back in 2016, UCL won international news coverage when an event with Hen Mazzig, hosted by UCL Friends of Israel, was disrupted by pro-Palestinian protesters, resulting in police involvement. Following an investigation, UCL pledged to invite Mazzig back — in what the Provost described as a “tangible sign” of UCL’s commitment to free speech. Although,
Tonight at an Emergency Council Meeting, the debate over whether President and Treasurer elections for societies should go online finally came to a boil. The two protagonists of the night were former Sustainability, Engagement and Operations Officer, Zakariya Mohran and this year’s Activities officer Ilyas Morrison. The whole saga began in December when Morrison sent
This morning, London Student published an exposé into the London Conference of Intelligence that has been hosted by UCL for the last four years. The host of the conference is Professor James Thompson, who according to his LinkedIn is an Honorary Professor at UCL and who was last seen on UCL’s website talking about the psychology of
Interviewer: Mr Aull, thank you for coming in on such short notice. Replé: It is no problem. I have a dedicated laptop signed into UCL’s email system to monitor for such an event. I never dreamed I would see such beauty again. Replé sniffs and wipes his eyes. Interviewer: Quite. This explosive email chain appears
We Interviewed Bellogate Expert Mr Replé Aull About Today’s Shenanigans Read More »
“They make you run around in circles until you give up.” Imagine having a drink with a friend in Phineas. All around are posters and T-shirts advertising the Union’s ‘Zero Tolerance to Sexual Harassment’ pledge. Little do you realise just how much this pledge has failed her. Although she’s been at UCL for over two
Some lecture slides are impossible to decipher, some contain poor puns, and then there are those which are simply tone deaf. This Tuesday in a lecture given to the Masters cohort studying Human Geography, Dr Hitchings is alleged to have warned his class before he put up his next slide: “We tried this last year
Geography Department sorry for sexist PowerPoint slide Read More »
A Cheese Grater Investigations Exclusive The Prime Minister has unveiled a pilot scheme that will require all newborn babies to carry a British passport for inspection upon exit from the womb. The plan is part of the government’s recent efforts to crack down on the so-called ‘maternity tourism’ that has seen foreign newborns taking lavish
