

The Union President was exposed for theft and grand larceny, The Cheese Grater can reveal.
A months-long undercover investigation reveal Union President Goksu Danaci stole a carton of leftover orange juice from the Rep Policy Summit last term.
While some might see this as attempting to reduce waste, as student media we have no choice but to frame this as a clear abuse of power by our elected leader.
This development is the latest in a series of shocking reports of the Union President’s conduct, including rumours that she likes sparkling water and that she forgot to thank the bus driver when she was 12.
Cheese Grater editor and Danaci’s former election rival Nick Miao said: “This is a deeply concerning development, exposing the slow death of student democracy on campus.
“A Nick-led Union would not frivolously spend on Sainsbury’s juice and shop at Lidl on Tottenham Court Road instead.”
Asked about whether running stories like this was petty, Miao said: “I have no personal grudge against the incumbent president but financially reckless decisions such as these are no joke,” before descending into a rant about how he actually won the 2024 Leadership Race “by a lot” and accusing Turkish Society of rigging the election with mail-in ballots and hacking the Union website to steal precisely 235 votes.
The Cheese Grater is calling for the instant resignation of President Danaci and the entire sabbatical team over this scandal and demands they turn themselves into their nearest police station by the close of day.
We decided not to reach out to Danaci for comment simply because her response might not suit our narrative that she is evil and incompetent, something we also have no evidence for.
This article appeared in CG89