Booze, Boys, and Bastards

God EFS, I’m getting really bored of you lot now. I’ve honestly started to lose track of the amount of times I’ve griped about your gross incapability to be normal human beings. Their latest misbehaviour resulted in them getting kicked out of the freshers fair for handing champagne out. Seriously??? 

This episode raises 2 very important questions:

  1. How much money must your scummy soc have to be able to give out champers at an event like that? 
  2.  Do you have any (money or champers – we’re not picky) left over for the The Cheese Grater committee social next week?

I guess this shows they must be good at teaching members something other than corruption and harassment.

Women’s Wrongs, The Cheese Grater’s beloved blue-haired SJW child, made an unexpected appearance on UCLove this term, being accused of coercing drunk men to declare themselves Incels at Scala. To be honest, anything that comes out of a drunk man’s mouth normally declares them an incel anyways. I think it’s safe to say any man who found himself saying incriminating things to a group of stunningly beautiful ladies with bloody noses has only himself to blame.

In terms of societies infested with men who don’t understand how women work, a few stand out as likely contenders: Furry society, Anime Society, Pokemon society. And now it turns out the Pokemon society is proving my suspicions correct; it really is a hive of creepy nerds. The miserable temp I employ to sift through the UCLove filth has found that Pokesoc men are apparently making women feel so uncomfortable that they’re leaving the society. Whether this discomfort is due to harassment or their lack of deodorant remains to be seen (Pokemon Go to the shower). But what is known, however, is that the committee dont seem to give a shit! Victim blaming, deleting responses to creepy discord comments – they’re gonna catch ‘em all! 

Political news now, and who could have predicted this one? Tory soc (whose website is currently available for purchase) invites a guest speaker who says something racist and receives backlash for doing so, wow! What other society could have done that?! But then, I suppose, what were they expecting when they invited David Starkey into their Schoeffel-clad boy’s club. There doesn’t seem to be much remorse from the Tories on this one either, with their instagram proclaiming Starkey to be “one of the best speakers [they] have had the honour (of) host(ing)” [sic]. Poor, but expected, form.  

Now, as the most important outlet of campus gossip, I have to address the ‘Red Elephant’ in the room. I know Marxist soc’s suspension is all anyone can talk about right now regarding societies but to be honest as much as I enjoy ragging on societies and their misadventures, It just doesn’t feel right to try to make light of human suffering and students trying to take action against it. I also don’t want to get cancelled and as such this will be as close as I go to the topic.

Unfortunately, that’s all the morsels of gossip that “fell” into my lap this time. But, the world of Christmas debauchery awaits and this bitch is certainly excited to hear of all the festive faux pas’ committed over the season. EFS, I don’t think even a late come back could get you onto the nice list. I pray this is the last I have to write of you for a while.