If I asked you which Harry Potter book reminded you most of EFS, you might be tempted to say the Deathly Hallows. But, in light of recent events, I would posit the Chamber of Secrets as a more appropriate option. Wily as I am, even Soc Bitch couldn’t get a squeak out of those finance-obsessed conspirators. While the President has been accused of all number of sins, and the society seems to be barreling towards a formal hearing, they’ve succeeded where Matt Hancock could not in keeping the scandal impressively under wraps. Of course, this shouldn’t come as a surprise: whistleblowing and banking aren’t the most natural of bedfellows. Best just to listen to Mr Boss and wait until it all settles down.

In the meantime, the SU held the much-anticipated and definitely-not-ignored Rep Elections. Notable mentions for voter turnout go to Stage Crew Society, who nobly put down their lights and (smoke?) to cast their vote, to Dodgeball Club, who took a much-needed break from dodging balls, and to Marxist Society, who… sorry, remind me again what they actually do? Top department turnout rightly went to Greek and Latin, who re-pledged their enduring allegiance to democracy.