Well, well, well, if it isn’t your favourite drama queen back on campus. Unfortunately, I’ll also be joined by two years’ worth of freshers, but I suppose it’s within their right to go to the Ministry of Sound and get an STI.

Speaking of STIs, UCL Men’s Rugby are reportedly back after several years in the wilderness. Since they were originally disaffiliated from the SU following several incidents involving rampant homophobia and sexism, I certainly won’t be welcoming them home with open arms. Aside from their horrendous club culture, I’m also reluctant to welcome any society which uses words like ‘khoosing’ (?) and ‘frothing’ in their freshers’ event descriptions.

It’s not just Men’s Rugby who’ve had a tricky relationship with the SU. In an impressive breach of government regulations, UCL Hindu Soc faced disciplinary action last year after organising an intercollegiate football match during lockdown. Whilst they escaped the clutches of disaffiliation, let’s hope the committee members enjoy their additional health and welfare training – sounds utterly riveting.

Lastly, it would be wrong not to celebrate the end of Zoom University with some Pi-bashing. To me, it seems that sponsoring your ‘apply to be on our committee’ Facebook posts is a little desperate, but who am I to judge…