Mumsnet against Movember
Share Article Maternal moaning as tufty top lips raise money and hell
Furious Mumsnet users have railed against the Movember Foundation following concerns over children’s safety.
“It’s just not safe for children” one enraged mother commented below a ‘tip’ on using boiled eggs as hand warmers, “you can’t tell the difference between stereotypical paedophiles and humourless, attention-seeking wankers. I left my son with a seemingly trustworthy gentleman outside an indie vinyl shop and returned to find him sobbing. He refuses to eat bananas now.”
Another mother said: “All this facial hair is just weird: I thought I had slipped through a time warp back to the 1970’s. It turned out I had fallen asleep on the Metropolitan line and woken up in Uxbridge.”
“These hipsters are perverse and revolting,” a further mother grumbled. “Prison is too good for them - at least the paedos know that what they’re doing is wrong.”
The Movember Foundation reacted by officially stating: “The Movember movement merely aims to raise awareness and money for Prostate Cancer charities in the UK. We do not in any way endorse the nonconsentual entering of juveniles ‘dans la bouche’ or the prolonged anal battery of minors.”
UCL’s own proud moustache advocate Provost Malcolm Grant told The Cheese Grater: “I love Movember. Not only does it remind me to stick a finger up my arse every year but it also allows me to blend in on campus. Only during November can I slip unidentified into sports night at the Roxy.” When asked by The Cheese Grater why the Roxy had such appeal, the Provost’s began humming the tune of David Guetta’s ‘Sexy Bitch’ as his eyes gradually glazed over.
Henry Collins, a 1st year psychology student and Hockey player questioned outside the club, said: “Of course we saw him. He’s the one who’s obviously three times the age of everyone else. We all thought it was a laugh until Sarah let him take her up the Astor!”