Extracts from the blog of a drink sodden ex-Trotskyist

Originally published in CG Issue 15 (December 2007). Reposted in tribute to Christopher Hitchens, 1949-2011.

Can be viewed as intended to be seen in both the "Press Cuttings" and "Back Issues" sections of this website.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Merry ‘Christ-mas’

Yet again we approach the mawkish and otiose celebration of child abuse that many a sinister, credulous god-loving charlatan has decided to term in recent years ‘Christ-mas’. I believe it is my duty, as a reasoning man of the Enlightenment - and devotee of such towering figures as Immanuel Kant, David Hume and Thomas Paine - to expose this festival of death and misery for what it is, an otiose and mawkish celebration of child abuse. Indeed, it is made all the more sinister by the central figures in this pantomime of misery and death. There is Jesus of Nazareth, called “Christ” by certain members of his death-cult following (more commonly known as “Christianity”) and Santa, called “Claus” by certain followers of his commercial jihad (more commonly known as “Capitalism”). In the case of Jesus, we see a prostitute consorting, rapist, child-abuser/magicianwith a penchant for the mawkish and sinister act of resurrection. What is more, he was in the pay of the High Priest of the sinister and otiose Arkansas Universal Church of Fellatio (a man more commonly known as Bill Clinton). Mr. Claus is no better, an alcoholic, rapist, reindeer-abusing Islamofascist magician, who engages in breaking and entering and uses a flying sleigh to lure unsuspecting children to his den of iniquity. Indeed, these two despicable thugs of the highest order - who attempt, like Chaucerian frauds to garner sympathy for their cause through pathetic stunts such as being nailed to a tree, or leaving presents for small children - are the reason why I believe we should cancel the whole thing, leaving me to enjoy my scotch and cigarettes in peace.

POSTED BY CHRISTOPHER AT 3:04 AM 0 COMMENTS LINKS TO THIS POST

Monday, December 10, 2007

Grand luncheon

Dear blog – though I use such a superfluous and otiose expression with care, noting to all that might read this, that such a term does not preclude any belief on my part in a supernatural being known as ‘blog’, as such an idea would be absurd and only worthy of second division, proto-theist, fascist crackpot intellectuals such as Stephen Hawking and Richard Dawkins - I must note that I had rather a good lunch today. I enjoyed the sprightly and intellectually challenging company of Salman Rushdie and the late  Ronald Reagan, and afterwards I found myself bound to do a huge shit in the faux-straw crib of my local Baptist Church’s nativity scene. As Salman pointed out, at least the ‘figure’ in the manger bore a more realistic ethnic hue than the usual saccharine and credulous cabbage patch doll effigy one is so used to finding these days in Middle-America.

POSTED BY CHRISTOPHER AT 7:50 PM 6 COMMENTS LINKS TO THIS POST

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Henry Kissinger

I have come to the conclusion that the Santa “Claus” ensconced in primordial, winterval splendour on the fifth floor of Macy’s, is in fact Henry Kissinger. This vile war criminal and mountebank, who, while aroused by listening to children’s Christmas wishes – and pinching his chubby little flanks in delight at his deception - ejaculates into a tube, deviously concealed beneath his sumptuous robes, the contents of which are transferred via the U.S. State Department to the fetid, lifeless corpse of Richard Nixon, in an attempt to revive him and so restart the Vietnam War. Therefore I have resolved to tomorrow, in the spirit pan-human kinship espoused by the likes of Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson to take a pick-axe to his fat, Yiddish face.

POSTED BY CHRISTOPHER AT 5:30 AM 2 COMMENTS LINKS TO THIS POST