Recipe Corner

Healthy, wholesome and necessary alternatives to Pie

Margaret Thatcher Milkshake, John Major's Cheese On Toast, Kim Jong-Filberts, Sylvia Platter, Salmon Rushdie and The Hunter S. Thompson.

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Delia Smith Lays An Egg

An interesting event!

1. Delia Smith approaches the nest with hesitant steps, finally entering. There she sits quietly for a long time, often for half an hour or more. She closes an eye or calmly places straw on her back, steadily becoming more excited. Now and then, Delia Smith raises her tail and spreads the feathers on her bottom. These movements gradually become more regular.

2. Under her tail is a small opening - a horizontal slit about an inch wide. It is surrounded by a ribbed rim, arrayed with skin and feathers. This is called the vent.

3. Suddenly Delia Smith stands upright, her feet spread apart, tail raised, bottom-feathers splayed outwards and upright. As her vent opens slightly, a red membrane begins to emerge...

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Film Review: The Spinning Hannier

The latest film from the reclusive American auteur Brucie Hoops - The Spinning Hannier opens with complete blackness. After an uncomfortable length of darkness, the camera begins to pull out first showing us a zip, then a pencil case, then the pencil case on a desk, then a person sitting at the desk with the pencil case on it, then the roof of the building, then the street, then the city, then the earth, then the galaxy until all we are left with is a point of light in the middle of the vast, empty universe. We cut immediately to a woman falling out a window screaming “Aaaarrrrghhh! The Spinning Hannier got me!” and the opening credits roll.

This sequence takes twenty minutes and indeed the length of the film could deter someone not familiar with Hoops’s work. At 482 minutes, above the average length of the working day in the United Kingdom, it could not be said that it was a short film. However, this is relatively spritely compared to Hoops’s last work Mr Malcolm’s Small Problem in a Big Well which lasted six days and consisted only of various photographs of wells accompanied by the drone of a lone tuba. The length is not a problem...

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The Diary of Ed Miliband

25th January 2012 - Am I pleased to see you,” I whispered in my research assistant’s ear, “or have I got a giant, erect cock in my pocket?” I quipped, wittily...

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