Every man dreams of being the best she’s ever had, and as it’s the season of giving, it’s time you got the inside scoop. We’ve scoured the internet, spoken to the experts and put the advice to the test to give you our favourite four secrets to become a master of seduction in and out of the bedroom. Follow these tips and thank us later.

SIT AT A 90-DEGREE ANGLE

On a dinner date, always position yourself at a 90-degree angle to her rather than straight on. If she sits at the end of the table, sit in the first seat to her left. Ensure that you always sit on a taller chair so she can look up to you both physically and emotionally. Turn toward her from the waist, which will give her the opportunity to turn toward you and create the ideal angle for her to perform oral sex.

OFFER HER CHOCOLATE

Feed her chocolate: It’ll load her up with phenylethylamine, a neurotransmitter that activates the brain’s pleasure center, and caffeine, which can jolt her sex drive. This has the added benefit of eliciting a Pavlovian response ensuring hot sex is never more than a freddo away.

NICE GUYS FINISH LAST

If there is one thing men know, its that women like a bad boy and the old adage of finishing last isn’t just a cautionary tale of being a chump but some great advice for the bedroom.  Show you’re more James Dean than James Blunt by climaxing as fast as possible; drawn out sessions of more than 5 minutes are inevitably boring and she’ll be impressed by you knowing what you want and taking it.

MORE LIKE BOREPLAY

Forget the foreplay, we all hate it and it’s now been proven you’re wasting your time. Like multiple ovaries the female orgasm is. a. MYTH! Any guy with real experience has seen for himself that women don’t orgasm. Like much of Hollywood it is no more than a fantasy created with special effects and green screens.

Calum Sutra