The Cheese Grater can reveal that the termination of Uber’s operating licence in the capital will be repealed yet again as talks between the taxi hire company and Transport for London resume.

Having already postponed the contract end-date, this extension to the extension of the pause in Uber’s suspension is suspected by commentators to be one of many more extended extensions to come.

TfL has repeatedly stated that the main issues all stem from Uber’s “less-than-great” customer service, yet sources can report that there is in fact a good service operating on all other lines.

At a press conference this morning, the Mayor of London Sadiq Khan emphasised the perils of private sector innovation and instant customer service as displayed by Uber, and reminded the room of the joys of the bus hopper fare and Night Tube travel options. Khan affirmed that creepy, unattended underground stations at 3am are the safest way for people to travel around the capital.

When the ban was first announced, Londoners were outraged that they would have to find a costlier form of travel when returning home from expensive nights out consisting of overpriced drinks. “Its jus unacceptble… highest rent in the fucken country, smoggy roads and now an extra £5 to travel cos of ‘ealth n safety,” wept a concerned hedge fund manager.

Prime Minister Theresa May initially opposed the ban, criticising TfL for “opposing innovation”. However, it has been alleged that her real motive is simple jealousy: not even the Prime Minister can do a u-turn as well as a black cab.

R. Royce