We interviewed beloved TV Star DALMATION-MAN and asked him YOUR questions! 

HI DALMATION-MAN!

Hello Stewart.

All the kids are super keen to hear a little about what you get up to when you’re not on the Telly!

Let’s see … I finish at around six. Towards the end of the day I lock myself in the toilet for a few minutes. Just to get a bit of rest. There’s a large pipe in one of them, and I just lie down on that for a little bit, looking up at the ceiling. Then I leave, get the bus home, go upstairs to my flat, and sit around. I usually wait out the day, lying awake - wanking. Not out of enjoyment, just habit.

Wow great stuff! And tell us, what are your FAVOURITE hobbies?

I used to do amateur theatrics. I was Hamlet in the main production once. But that was back when I thought I could be a serious actor. Don’t do acting kids. That’s a take home message. Put that as the title of this piece. Don’t do acting. However good you think you are, you’re not good enough. You will fail. Do real estate or business. That’s where the money is.

At this point in the interview DALMATION-MAN began dry-retching into a paper bag. Through the convulsions, it became DIFFICULT to make out whether the tears were from PAIN, or some other, less overt sadness.

THANKS 
DALMATION-MAN!