Society Bitch must begin with a rare apology this week. Contrary to the last column, we have been told – repeatedly, neurotically – that Pi Media actually produced three magazines this year, not one. I only mention this so as to not distract from a juicier story: The President of Pi has gone completely AWOL. Soc Bitch has learnt – never you mind how – that the President hasn’t been to committee meetings in months and dodges texts and calls. What a state of affairs that magazine must be when even its President can’t stand to be around it.

Tragedy struck Drama Society this term when the publicity for their show ‘Rhinoceros’ was disrupted by pesky UCL Maintenance. The production team had created a huge advertising banner and hung it in the quad in the manner of an election poster. The maintenance team, assuming it was just another bog-standard UCLU elections banner, took it down and binned it. It seems UCL Maintenance are unfamiliar with the work of Eugene Ionesco. Having seen the play, we can only assume the same of Drama Soc.