Now that that whole “election” thing is over, former businessman Donald Trump can relax and enjoy his favourite past-time: writing poetry.

When I see you, I see half of me
And I’m attracted to that one half, my half.
Okay, so I only want to date half of you,
But I would date no halves of Tiffany

Your breasts, they’re the best breasts
You’d be nothing if they were average at best
People are saying they’re above the rest
A lot of polls are saying that I’m #blessed

Honey, no one respects women more than me
When I grab them by the pussy, I do it gently
But only if I think they’re actually pretty
Enough, wouldn’t want to touch anyone ugly

Ivanka, let’s cut to the chase: I want to date you
We can date sitting or standing or date in Trump Tower
Has to be quick though, I’m on Fox in half an hour
How I wish you were mine, why’d you marry that Jew?

Love,
Dad